I picked up the brush and images formed on the canvas. Story and colour began to take shape. I moved with a grace I didn’t know was in me, working between the body and the brush.
Hot tears rolled down my face. My heart pounded in my chest. Energy erupted from my hands.
As I sat in wonder at the image before me, my world changed forever.
Born a creative Being: the daughter of an artist and a man who loved music, I drew and painted a lot as a child. It dried up around the age of 10 and I stopped expressing myself in that way. I guess now as I look back, I locked the creative aspect of my being deep down inside. She was too sensitive, too empathic, not strong enough to be in this world. She needed to be more “normal” and fit in or would not survive.
I rebelled massively in my teenage years and spent from 18-24 estranged from my family after a nasty breakup with a partner, burning the candle at both ends, juggling three jobs and a heavy clubbing nightlife style.
I entered the world of music and the dance floor for recreation. I worked in pubs. I raved, I got out of my head, I existed to party.
On the dance floor I was free. Everyone around me was free too. The music, the primal beats, the energy was so uplifting. I didn’t have to care about anything other than BEing. I could forget my pain. I locked it away and tossed the key, I saw colours when I moved, I reached higher planes of existence. I could feel the music deep inside. I wanted that, I needed that. To feel something that didn’t hurt or need to be avoided. The hangovers were unbelievable but it didn’t matter. I partied with DJ’s, I even spun the decks myself :) I lived for the music and the music lived me.
I left the dance scene after another nasty breakup with a partner and moved abroad to be reunited with my family again. I met my husband and got married. I settled down, I got serious about life and being a wife to see where that journey would take me.
I entered the world of art and music again as therapy, quite accidentally, after a breakdown in my early 30’s from over giving at a job and the sudden death of my beloved canine companion. It came back to me this time in a different format. It came to heal me from a higher perspective. I was deeply depressed. I had lost my North Star, my purpose, my care for living.
My journey initially was a very personal experience and process of Self enquiry, activated by a very deep spiritual experience in the pits of depression that I really have no words for. It was beyond anything that could be given spoken word. It was a full on awakening that shook me in every cell of my being.
I began to express as a daily practice. I was driven by a force that wanted to be free. I reached inside and just let it come outside onto the canvas, everything that I had ever felt and experienced. Sometimes quite literally thrown at the canvas! Many house walls have had to be touched up and new cushion covers purchased along the way. :)
I danced like I was on fire. I grieved, I screamed, I moved. I dedicated myself to art, dance and spirit as a healing practice.
I got deeply in touch with everything I had been avoiding on the dance floor and my whole life. My pain. My suffering and loss. The sensitive and beautiful creative part of me that I had shut down at aged 10.
I was initiated into Reiki. I spent two full years as a bodywork patient attending sessions three times a week to learn how to tap into my body's wisdom even deeper. To understand and unravel the mystery of me. I studied Shamanism and Jungian psychology, I trained to be a Chakradance Facilitator and a circle facilitator with Global Sisterhood. I trained to be a Color of Woman Intentional Creativity Teacher. I joined Priestess Presence mystery school as an initiate and have spent the last 16 years deeply excavating myself, immersing myself in what healing really is. Meeting my own shadow material, learning how to hold space, bridge the worlds in myself and be a witness to others.
Each step I took brought me back to a remembering of that beautiful little girl who was so in tune with her art, her soul, her BEing.
Now I guide women to step into their pain as I did through movement, art and ritual. To trust it, not avoid it. To allow it voice and energy. To let it go.
I portal access and hold space for them to step through a door that spirit opened for me at my darkest point.
Would you take my loving, outstretched hands in the now sister as I ask you to step forward into the ride of your life?
Are you ready to be awakened through the sacred arts?